orbid!
"Iinvoluntarilyejaculated,forsomehowIwasnotlookingforthatformofquestion,anditcaughtmealittleoffmyguard。ButIhastenedtomakeamendsformyrudeness,andsay,
"IsimlymeantIhadnothadthehonor—forIwouldnotdeliberatelyseakdiscourteouslyofafriendofyours。Youweresayingthatyouwererobbed—anditwasashame,too—butitaearsbywhatisleftoftheshroudyouhaveonthatitwasacostlyoneinitsday。Howdid…
"
Amostghastlyexressionbegantodeveloamongthedecayedfeaturesandshriveledintegumentsofmyguestsface,andIwasbeginningtogrowuneasyanddistressed,whenhetoldmehewasonlyworkinguadee,smile,withawinkinit,tosuggestthataboutthetimeheacquiredhisresentgarmentaghostinaneighboringcemeterymissedone。
Thisreassuredme,butIbeggedhimtoconfinehimselftoseechthenceforth,becausehisfacialexressionwasuncertain。Evenwiththemostelaboratecareitwasliabletomissfire。Smilingshouldeseciallybeavoided。Whathemighthonestlyconsiderashiningsuccesswaslikelytostrikemeinaverydifferentlight。IsaidIlikedtoseeaskeletoncheerful,evendecorouslylayful,butIdidnotthinksmilingwasaskeletonsbesthold。
"Yes,friend,
"saidtheoorskeleton,
"thefactsarejustasIhavegiventhemtoyou。Twooftheseoldgraveyards—theonethatIresidedinandonefurtheralonghavebeendeliberatelyneglectedbyourdescendantsoftodayuntilthereisnooccuyingthemanylonger。Asidefromtheosteologicaldiscomfortofit—andthatisnolightmatterthisrainyweather—theresentstateofthingsisruinoustoroerty。Wehavegottomoveorbecontenttoseeoureffectswastedawayandutterlydestroyed。
"Now,youwillhardlybelieveit,butitistrue,nevertheless,thatthereisntasinglecoffiningoodreairamongallmyacquaintance—nowthatisanabsolutefact。Idonotrefertoloweolewhocomeinaineboxmountedonanexress-wagon,butIamtalkingaboutyourhigh-toned,silver-mountedburial-case,yourmonumentalsort,thattravelunderblacklumesattheheadofarocessionandhavechoiceofcemeterylots—ImeanfolksliketheJarvises,andtheBledsoesandtheBurlings,andsuch。Theyareallaboutruined。
"
Themostsubstantialeoleinourset,theywere。Andnowlookatthem—utterlyuseduandoverty-stricken。OneoftheBledsoesactuallytradedhismonumenttoalatebarkeeerforsomefreshshavingstoutunderhishead。Itellyouitseaksvolumes,forthereisnothingacorsetakessomuchrideinashismonument。Helovestoreadtheinion。Hecomesafterawhiletobelievewhatitsayshimself,andthenyoumayseehimsittingonthefencenightafternightenjoyingit。Eitahsarechea,andtheydoaoorchaaworldofgoodafterheisdead,eseciallyifhehadhardluckwhilehewasalive。Iwishtheywereusedmore。NowIdontcomlain,butconfidentiallyIdothinkitwasalittleshabbyinmydescendantstogivemenothingbutthisoldslabofagravestone—andallthemorethatthereisntacomlimentonit。Itusedtohave:
GONETOHISJUSTREWARD
"Onit,andIwasroudwhenIfirstsawit,butbyandbyInoticedthatwheneveranoldfriendofminecamealonghewouldhookhischinontherailingandullalongfaceandreadalongdowntillhecametothat,andthenhewouldchuckletohimselfandwalkoff,lookingsatisfiedandcomfortable。SoIscratcheditofftogetridofthosefools。Butadeadmanalwaystakesadealofrideinhismonument。
"
"YondergoeshalfadozenoftheJarvisesnow,withthefamilymonumentalong。AndSmithersandsomehiredsecterswentbywithhisawhileago。Hello,Higgins,good-by,oldfriend!ThatsMeredithHiggins—diedin44—belongstooursetinthecemetery—fineoldfamily—great-grandmotherwasanInjun—Iamonthemostfamiliartermswithhimhedidnthearmewasthereasonhedidntanswerme。AndIamsorry,too,becauseIwouldhavelikedtointroduceyou。Youwouldadmirehim。Heisthemostdisjointed,sway-backed,andgenerallydistortedoldskeletonyoueversaw,butheisfulloffun。Whenhelaughsitsoundslikerasingtwostonestogether,andhealwaysstartsitoffwithacheeryscreechlikerakinganailacrossawindow-ane。
"
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