佚名
Anonymous
AfterMomdied,IbeganvisitingDadeverymorningbeforeIwenttowork。Hewasfrailandmovedslowly,buthealwayshadaglassoffreshlysqueezedorangejuiceonthekitchentableforme,alongwithanunsignednotereading,“Drinkyourjuice。”Suchagesture,Iknew,wasasfarasDadhadeverbeenabletogoinexressinghislove。Infact,Iremember,asakidIhadquestionedMom“WhydoesntDadloveme?”Momfrowned。“Whosaidhedoesntloveyou?”“Well,henevertellsme,”Icomlained。“Henevertellsmeeither,”shesaid,smiling。“Butlookhowhardheworkstotakecareofus,tobuyusfoodandclothes,andtoayforthishouse。Thatshowyourfathertellsushelovesus。”ThenMomheldmebytheshouldersandasked,“Doyouunderstand?”
InoddedslowlyIunderstoodinmyhead,butnotinmyheart。Istillwantedmyfathertouthisarmsaroundmeandtellmehelovedme。Dadownedandoeratedasmallscrametalbusiness,andafterschoolIoftenhungaroundwhileheworked。IalwayshoedhedaskmetohelandthenraisemeforwhatIdid。Heneverasked。Histasksweretoodangerousforayoungboytoattemt,andMomwasalreadyworriedenoughthathedhurthimself。Dadhandfedscrasteelintoadevicethatchoeditascleanlyasabutcherchosarackofribs。Themachinelookedlikeagiantairofscissors,withbladesthickerthanmyfathersbody。Ifhedidntfeedthoseterrifyingbladesjustright,heriskedseriousinjury。
“Whydontyouhiresomeonetodothatforyou?”MomaskedDadonenightasshebentoverhimandrubbedhisachingshoulderswithastrongsmellingliniment。“Whydontyouhireacook?”Dadasked,givingheroneofhisraresmiles。Momstraightenedandutherhandsonherhis。“Whatsthematter,Ike?Dontyoulikemycooking?”“SureIlikeyourcookingButifIcouldaffordaheler,thenyoucouldaffordacook!”Dadlaughed,andforthefirsttimeIrealizedthatmyfatherhadasenseofhumor。Thechoingmachinewasnttheonlyhazardinhisbusiness。Hehadanacetylenetorchforcuttingthicksteellatesandbeams。Tomyearsthetorchhissedlouderthanasteamlocomotive,andwhenheusedittocutthroughsteel,itblewoffthousandsoftinyiecesofmoltenmetalthatswarmedaroundhimlikeangryfireflies。
Manyyearslater,duringmyfirstdailyvisit,afterdrinkingthejuicemyfatherhadsqueezedforme,Iwalkedover,huggedhimandsaid,“Iloveyou,Dad。”FromthenonIdidthiseverymorning。Myfathernevertoldmehowhefeltaboutmyhugs,andtherewasneveranyexressiononhisfacewhenIgavethem。Thenonemorning,ressedfortime,Idrankmyjuiceandmadeforthedoor。
Dadsteedinfrontofmeandasked,“Well!”“Wellwhat?”Iasked,knowingexactlywhat。“Well!”hereeated,crossinghisarmsandlookingeverywherebutatme。Ihuggedhimextrahard。NowwastherighttimetosaywhatIdalwayswantedto,“Imfiftyyearsold,Dad,andyouvenevertoldmeyouloveme。”Myfathersteedawayfromme。Heickedutheemtyjuiceglass,washeditandutitaway。“Youvetoldothereoleyouloveme,”Isaid,“butIveneverhearditfromyou。”
Dadlookeduncomfortable。Veryuncomfortable。Imovedclosertohim。“Dad,Iwantyoutotellmeyouloveme。”Dadtookasteback,hislisressedtogether。Heseemedabouttoseak,thenshookhishead。“Tellme!”Ishouted。“Allright,Iloveyou!”Dadfinallyblurted,hishandsflutteringlikewoundedbirds。AndinthatinstantsomethingoccurredthatIhadneverseenhaeninmylife。Hiseyesglistened,thenoverflowed。
Istoodbeforehim,stunnedandsilent。Finally,afteralltheseyears,myheartjoinedmyheadinunderstanding。Myfatherlovedmesomuchthatjustsayingsomadehimwee,whichwassomethinghenever,everwantedtodo,leastofallinfrontoffamily。Momhadbeenright。EverydayofmylifeDadhadtoldmehowmuchhelovedmebywhathedidandwhathegave。“Iknow,Dad,”Isaid,“Iknow。”AndnowatlastIdid。
妈妈去世后,我开始每天上班之前去看看爸爸。他身体虚弱,动作迟缓,但他总是亲手为我榨好一杯橙汁放在餐桌上,旁边放一张没有署名的便条,写着:“把橙汁喝了。”我知道,这是他向我表达爱的一种特殊方式。实际上,我仍然清楚地记得,小时候我曾问过妈妈:“为什么爸爸不喜欢我?”妈妈会皱起眉头,反问道:“谁说他不喜欢你?”“哦,可他从来没有告诉过我。”我抱怨道。“他也从没告诉过我,”她面带微笑地说,“但是,你看他拼命地工作赚钱,养活我们,要供我们吃穿,还要缴房款,这些行动都告诉我们,他是爱我们的。”然后,妈妈搂着我的肩膀说:“你明白了吗?”
我微微地点点头。我明白,但并不理解。我仍然渴望爸爸抱着我,亲口对我说爱我。爸爸自己经营一家小型的废金属处理厂。放学后,我就围在他身边玩。他工作时,我总希望他能让我帮什么忙,然后夸我干得好。可他从不叫我。他的工作对一个小男孩来讲太危险了,妈妈为爸爸已经够担心的了。爸爸把废金属塞进一个机器里,这个机器就像屠夫剁骨头一样,顺利地切割着金属。它酷似一把巨大的剪刀,刀片比爸爸的身体还要厚。所以用这样的机器进行工作是极其危险的,稍有不慎便会严重受伤,其后果不堪设想。
“你为什么不雇人替你干这个活儿呢?”一天晚上,妈妈给爸爸按摩酸疼的肩膀,并涂抹一种气味浓烈的搽剂时问爸爸。“那你为什么不雇个厨师替你做饭呢?”爸爸反问道,并对她露出了少有的微笑。妈妈直起身子,双手叉在腰间问道:“怎么了,埃克?你难道不喜欢我做的饭吗?”“当然喜欢喽,如果我雇得起帮手的话,你就也能雇得起厨师了!”爸爸笑着说,这是我有生以来第一次觉得爸爸其实是个幽默的人。那台切割机不是他工厂里唯一的危险物,还有一台更危险的,是用来切割厚钢板和粗钢条的乙炔炬。在我听来,那乙炔炬切割时所发出的声响比火车头的蒸汽机发出的还要大。用它切割钢材时,无数熔化了的金属粉末形成液滴,在爸爸周围四溅开来,就像一群愤怒的萤火虫一样。
多年以后,我离开家乡后又回来,第一次去看爸爸时,我喝完了他为我亲手榨的橙汁后,走到他跟前,搂住他说:“爸爸,我爱你!”从那以后,每天早上我都那样做。可是,爸爸从未告诉过我,我拥抱他时他有怎样的感觉;不仅如此,当我拥抱他时,他甚至都面无表情。而后的又一天早上,由于时间赶不及,我喝完橙汁就向门外走去。
爸爸跨步到我面前问道:“这个?”“噢,什么?哪个?”我明知故问。“这个!”他重复着,交叉着双臂,目光游离,可就是不看我。我更用力地搂了搂他。现在是时候该说出我一直想说的话了:“爸,我已经50岁了,可你却从没对我说过一句你爱我。”爸爸转身走开了,他把那个空杯子拿去,洗干净放好。“你对别人说你爱我,”我说,“可我从没听你亲口对我说过。”
父亲看上去有些不自在,非常地不自在。我走到他跟前说:“爸爸,我想让你告诉我你爱我。”他双唇紧闭,向后退了一步,欲言又止地摇了摇头。“告诉我啊!”我大声喊道。“好吧,我爱你!”父亲终于说出口了,他双手如受伤的小鸟一样颤抖着。刹那间,我看到了有生以来从未见过的情景:他双眼噙满泪水,簌簌地落下。
我呆呆地站在他面前,一句话也说不出来。毕竟这么多年了,可我最终还是理解了父亲的爱——我知道了他是多么爱我,以至于他在说出爱我时,居然能激动得热泪盈眶。以前他可从来不会流泪,更不用说是在家人面前流泪了。妈妈是对的。在我生命的每一天,爸爸都是在用无言的行动对我说着他爱我。“我知道,爸爸,”我说,“我知道。”最终我明白了,也理解了。
词汇笔记
frail[freil]adj。脆弱的;虚弱
Ismuchsweatthebodyfrail?
多汗是不是身体虚弱?
squeeze[skwi:z]v。紧握;挤
Youcansqueezethroughsideways。
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