佚名nonymous
WhenIwasalittlegirl,mymothertoldmetowaitforthelighttoturngreenbeforeIcrossedthestreetandtocrossalwaysatthecorner。ThisIdid。Indeed,IwasositiveasaveryyoungchildthatIwouldgetmashedlikeaotatoifI;eversomuchassteedafootoffthesidewalkwhilethelightwasred。IfollowedmymothersadviceuntilIrealizedthatsheherselfjaywalkedconstantly,dodginginandnotofmovingtraffic—andullingmewithher。SoafterawhileIfollowedherexamleandnotheradvice。
MyfathertoldmenevertocheatorstealandIremembermyintensehumiliation1theday,only6yearsold,Ireceivedaublicsankingforswiingthreedimesfromthewindowsill2wheretheyhadbeenleftbyavisitinguncle。Yetmyfatherushedmeundertheturnstiletogetintothesubwayandgotmeintothemoviesforhalffare,wayafterIwasoldenoughtoayfullrice。Andmymothercontinuallybroughthomereamsofstationeryandothersuliesliftedfromtheofficeswheresheworked。
BothmyarentsexactedsevereunishmentforlyingandyetIknew,intime,thattheyliedtomeandtoeachotherandtootherswhen,resumably3,theyfelttheoccasionwarrantedit。
Andthiswasjustartofthestory。Buthyocrisy4aboutsex,aboutracerelations,aboutreligion,tookmealongertimetosee。Iwasoutofhighschoolbeforethaticturebegantoulltogether。UnderstandingdidntdevastatemebecauseIhadbeguntoabsorbtheknowledgelittlebylittle,throughtheyears。BythetimeIwas18or19IguessIwasbotholdenoughtounderstandandstrongenoughtofacewhatIsaw。Andwe,myfriendsandI,didcometotakeitforgranted。Parentswerethatway。Oldereolewerethatway。Thewordforwhatwefoundoutaboutourarentsgenerationwashyocrisy。Andmostofusacceteditasartoflife—asthewaythingswere。
NowIamgrownuandIhavechildrenofmyown。Igowithmysonstothearkwhere,illegally,weletourhugedogofftheleashandkeeonthelookoutforaolicemanwhomightcatchusandgiveusaticket。ForthelongesttimeIusedtoullmylittledaughteracrossthemiddleofthestreet—justlikemymotherusedtodo!—warningher,
"DontdothiswhenImnotwithyou。
"
WhentheclerkatasuermarketmakesamistakeinmyfavorIsometimesaccetitquietly,rationalizingthatthismakesuforoneofthemanytimesImsurehesoverchargedme。ThiskindofnegotiatingwithrincileallowsmetodowhatIwantinsteadofwhatIshoulddo。Becauseitisdifficulttolivebyoneshigh;rinciles。Soshameisanotherreasonforhyocrisy。Shamethatwearenotbetterthanweare。
Webstersaysthathyocrisyisthefalseassumtionofvirtue,asimulationofgoodness。Pretending,inotherwords,tobebetterthanweare。Isthisbecausewearealwayswantingtobebetter?Oronlythatwewanttofooleoleintothinkingthatweare?Whenweracticeareligionthatreachesaconcernforourfellowmen,dowedeliberatelymarchoutofchurchandrefusetorentanaartmenttoablackfamily,knowingonlytoowellthatthisishyocritical?Ordoweallliveourlivesontwotracksbecausewehave,somewherealongtheline,cometothesubliminalconclusionthatsuchschizohreniaisessentialtooursurvivalinthiscountryatthistime?
当我还是小女孩时,母亲就告诉我,过马路只能在拐角处,并且要等交通信号灯变绿。我照做了,事实上,我很肯定,如果在红灯时往人行道外跨出一步,就会像土豆一样被辗成泥。我照着母亲的话去做。但后来,我发现她自己经常乱穿马路,拉着我的手在车流中闪躲避让。所以,不久后,我也学着她的样子,不听她的劝告了。
父亲告诉我不要撒谎或偷窃。记得六岁时,有一天,我偷了一个来访叔叔放在窗台上的三毛钱,被当众打屁股,受到奇耻大辱。可是,我到了该买地铁全票的年龄时,父亲会让我躲避,看电影也只买半票;母亲经常把她办公室的大量文具和其他用品拿回家。
父母对我的撒谎行为会处以严厉的惩罚。但我知道,在他们认为有理由的时候,就会相互欺骗,或对我和别人撒谎。
当然,这只是其中一部分,我花了很长一段时间,才弄清楚他们在性、种族关系、宗教方面的伪善。高中毕业以后才完全了解,但这些细致的了解并没有影响到我,这些年来,我对此已经相当有研究。十八九岁时,我觉得自己已经长大,能够理解和面对所看到的一切。我和朋友们,都对这一切熟视无睹了。父母和祖父母们都是那样。对于父辈们,我们只能用“伪善”这个词来形容。我们多数人接纳了伪善,如同生活的一部分——其实事情本来就是这样。
现在,我长大了,也有了自己的孩子。我带着儿子们去公园玩,解开大狗的皮带(要知道,这是不合法的),时刻警惕那些可能逮住我们并开罚单的警察。我经常拉着小女儿横穿马路——就像我的妈妈那样——同时也警告她,“我没有和你在一起时,不能这样过马路”。
当超市职员不小心多找了钱,有时我会悄悄收下,并给自己找个理由——他一定经常多收我的钱,这只不过是一次补偿而已。这种与原则的较量促使我去做自己想做的事,而不是应该做的事。因为一个人很难按照他伟大的原则去生活,于是我们会很羞愧,羞愧实际的自己不如本质的好,而这羞愧就是伪善的另一个原因。
韦勃斯特把伪善解释为对美德的虚假设定,是对善良的模仿。换言之,伪善就是装成比我们自身更好的样子。这是由于我们总是想做得更好?或者仅仅只是想愚弄人们,使他们认为我们很好?如果我们信奉鼓吹关爱他人的宗教,还会走出教堂就拒绝把房子租给一个黑人家庭吗?或者是因为我们在某种程度上已经下意识地得出结论,在当今社会,这样的精神分裂症是生存所不可或缺的,因而我们都沿着两个轨迹在生活?
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