〃Is there anything special youd like that night for dinner; John ? We can rustle you up most anything。 Even bring you a beer; if you want。 just have to put her in a coffee cup; thats all。〃
〃Never got the taste〃; he said。
〃Something special to eat; then?〃
His brow creased below that expanse of clean brown skull。 Then the lines smoothed out and he smiled。 〃Meatloafd be good。〃
〃Meatloaf it is。 With gravy and mashed。〃 I felt a tingle like you get in your arm when youve slept on it; except this one was all over my body。 In my body。 〃What else to go with it?〃
〃Dunno; boss。 Whatever you got; I guess。 Okra; maybe; but Is not picky。〃
〃All right〃; I said; and thought he would also have Mrs。 Janice Edgebes peach cobbler for dessert。 〃Now; what about a preacher? Someone you could say a little prayer with; night after next? It forts a man; so Ive seen that many times。 I could get in touch with Reverend Schuster; hes the man who came when Del … 〃
〃Dont want no preacher〃; John said。 〃You been good to me; boss。 You can say a prayer; if you want。 Thatd be all right。 I could get kneebound with you a bit; I guess。〃
〃Me! John ; I couldnt … 〃
He pressed down on my hands a little; and that feeling got stronger。 〃You could;〃 he said。 〃Couldnt you; boss?〃
〃I suppose so〃; I heard myself say。 My voice seemed to have developed an echo。 〃I suppose I could; if it came to that。〃
The feeling was strong inside me by then; and it was like before; when hed cured my waterworks; but it was different; too。 And not just because there was nothing wrong with me this time。 It was different because this time he didnt know he was doing it。 Suddenly I was terrified; almost choked with a need to get out of there。 Lights were going on inside me where there had never been lights before。 Not just in my brain; all over my body。
〃You and Mr。 Howell and the other bosses been good to me〃; John Coffey said。 〃I know you been worryin; but you ought to quit on it now。 Because I want to go; boss。〃
I tried to speak and couldnt。 He could; though。 What he said next was the longest I ever heard him speak。
〃Im rightly tired of the pain I hear and feel; boss。 Im tired of bein on the road; lonely as a robin in the rain。 Not never havin no buddy to go on with or tell me where wes in from or goin to or why。 Im tired of people bein ugly to each other。 It feels like pieces of glass in my head。 Im tired of all the times Ive wanted to help and couldnt。 Im tired of bein in the dark。 Mostly its the pain。 Theres too much。 If I could end it; I would。 But I caint。〃
Stop it; I tried to say。 Stop it; let go of my hands; Im going to drown if you dont。 Drown or explode。
〃You wont splode;〃 he said; smiling a little at the idea 。。。 but he let go of my hands。
I leaned forward; gasping。 Between my knees I could see every crack in the cement floor; every groove; every flash of mica。 I looked up at the wall and saw names that had been written there in 1924; 1926; 1931。 Those names had been washed away; the men who had written them had also been washed away; in a manner of speaking; but I guess you can never wash anything pletely away; not from this dark glass of a world; and now I saw them again; a tangle of names overlying one another; and looking at them was like listening to the dead speak and sing and cry out for mercy。 I felt my eyeballs pulsing in their sockets; heard my own heart; felt the windy whoosh of my blood rushing through all the boulevards of my body like letters being mailed to everywhere。
I heard a train…whistle in the distance … the threefifty to Priceford; I imagine; but I couldnt be sure; because Id never heard it before。 Not from Cold Mountain; I hadnt; because the closest it came to the state pen was ten miles east。 I couldnt have heard it from the pen; so you would have said and so; until November of 32; I would have believed; but I heard it that day。
Somewhere a lightbulb shattered; loud as a bomb。
〃What did you do to me?〃 I whispered。 〃Oh John ; what did you do?〃
〃Im sorry; boss;〃 he said in his calm way。 〃I wasnt thinkin。 Aint much; I reckon。 You feel like regular soon。〃
I got up and went to the cell door。 It felt like walking in a dream。 When I got there; he said: 〃You wonder why they didnt scream。 Thats the only thing you still wonder about; aint it? Why those two little girls didnt scream while they were still there on the porch。〃
I turned and looked at him。 I could see every red snap in his eyes; I could see every pore on his face。。。 and I could feel his hurt; the pain that he took in from other people like a sponge takes in water。 I could see the darkness he had spoken of; too。 It lay in all the spaces of the world as he saw it; and in that moment I felt both pity for him and great relief。 Yes; it was a terrible thing wed be doing; nothing would ever change that 。。。 and yet we would be doing him a favor。
〃I seen it when that bad fella; he done grab me;〃 John said。 〃Thats when I knowed it was him done it。 I seen him that day; I was in the trees and I seen him drop them down and run away; but … 〃
〃You forgot;〃 I said。
〃Thats right; boss。 Until he touch me; I forgot。〃
〃Why didnt they scream; John ? He hurt them enough to make them bleed; their parents were right upstairs; so why didnt they scream?〃
John looked at me from his haunted eyes。 〃He say to the one; If you make noise; its your sister I kill; not you; He say that same to the other。 You see?〃
〃Yes〃; I whispered; and I could see it。 The Detterick porch in the dark。 Wharton leaning over them like a ghoul。 One of them had maybe started to cry out; so Wharton had hit her and she had bled from the nose。 Thats where most of it had e from。
〃He kill them with they love〃; John said。 〃They love for each other。 You see how it was?〃
I nodded; incapable of speech。
He smiled。 The tears were flowing again; but he smiled。 〃Thats how it is every day〃; he said; 〃all over the worl。〃 Then he lay down and turned his face to the wall。
I stepped out into the Mile; locked his cell; and walked u
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